Our oldest son plays baseball in the North Arlington Little League. Last year, his team, the Pirates, had an undefeated season and won the championship game. Of course, we celebrated the win.

Players moved up and on, but we returned for another season. It started out smoothly enough – the games were competitive, but the team was winning. Then we had a tied game. Then we lost.

No big deal, right?

Wrong.

We celebrated the wins, we worked for the wins, we appreciated the wins. However, we neglected to prepare for the possibility of a loss. For two years, the team was coached and played to win. We should have also been coached and prepared to lose.

There is value in the lessons we learn from losing and sports give us a good arena to teach these lessons to our children.

These are valuable lessons that can be applied in parenting, business and life:

• Respect.
  For every winner, there is a loser. You have to respect both. Period. Respect your team, respect the other team. Act accordingly.
• Resiliency.
  It’s ok to be disappointed or upset after a loss. But the quicker you put a loss behind you, the closer you are to the next win. Fast recovery serves anyone at any age well. Vince Lombardi said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” Recover and move forward.
• Review.
  If you review the why in your losses and strengthen your weaknesses, new opportunities will arise. In sports no game has ever been lost the same way.
• Humility.
  Losing challenges us and keeps us humble. It teaches us there are others who are better. The emphasis should be motivated to be better.

Preparing for winning and losing is critical. It is far better to lose and learn than to always win and not learn how to lose. If winning and losing were not important, we would not keep score.

If you are a business owner, an employee, a student or a teammate, what do you have to lose?

An account, a promotion, an employee, a score, a game? The answer is yes, all of these and more. But the bigger question is – what are you learning and how are you improving?

So what about the 2016 Pirates? Well, they are heading to the championship game. They earned their spot with three consecutive wins in a double elimination playoff. Regardless of the outcome, valuable lessons will be learned. Go Pirates!

Everybody remembers the “make a wish” tale – you must choose wisely, as you only get three wishes, and the wishes must all be considered wisely. From this tale, we learn that we must be careful what we ask for.

I like to ask questions. Maybe too many, but questions always provide answers..unless you ask the wrong question. Have you ever asked the wrong question? Yes. You. Have. I have too!

Get it right! Ask the right question.

Good question asking is a skill and can be applied to all relationships – spouse, children, employee, employer, friends, customers, etc. The applications are endless. Every question can deepen our understanding of a topic or person. There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are ways to ask a question that are better than others.

Here are some examples:

• Q: How was your day? A: good, bad, great, awesome, etc. This closed-ended question doesn’t really give you much, so follow up with what made your day _______? Now we are getting somewhere! Tip: Dig deeper with follow-up questions. Follow general questions with specific ones. 
• Q: How are sales? A: Great they have doubled! This general question can elicit an answer that can be misleading – sales doubled from what? Better question: How are your sales compared to this same timeframe last year? Tip: Make sure to ask for context and reference to give the answer meaning.
• Have you ever been asked if you want “anything else?” I hate this question. The answer is, of course I do, I have a long list of else, but you don’t sell them here. Another egregious offender: Did you find everything ok? Tip: Specific questions will garner more insight. Try to avoid yes or no questions unless they are truly satisfying a simple purpose.
• Recently my husband called me and informed me that he grounded the kids. I asked, “What does grounding mean in our house?” We figured out our definition of grounding because of an open-ended question. Tip: Have a purpose for asking and a desire to know the answer. Every question you ask should help you gather either facts or elicit an opinion. Know which kind of information you need and frame your questions accordingly.
• What if someone asked you if it was it sunny on the day you were born? I don’t know if it was sunny when I was born – does it matter? I can’t think of one thing someone would do with this information. Tip: Ask questions only if the information elicited is necessary. If you don’t really need the answer, don’t ask the question. Be respectful of people’s time and attention. Answer this – what will you do with the answer?

We ask questions because that is the way we improve, learn, connect and tell stories. Ask away, friends!

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” ~ Tony Robbins